How Restraining Orders Can Complicate Your Divorce Case
July 4th, 2010
Assume a temporary or permanent restraining order has been granted in a divorce situation. The following scenarios outline the problems that could arise from restraining orders during a divorce.
Going to the lawyer’s office to discuss divorce issues such as property division
You cannot simply meet and discuss your issues if doing so would violate the terms of the restraining order (such as maintaining a distance of 25 yards in a public place). While it would seem easy to simply agree that the restraining order does not apply to this scenario, it is not that simple. A court order is viewed with the utmost respect and severity. Most attorneys with any respect for the law will not allow a client or the opposing party to walk into that trap. It’s simple: At any time, the “protected party” can contact the authorities alleging a violation of the restraining order. And the truth is that if the “restrained” party is within 25 yards, for example it is a violation. Sure, it is an explainable violation once you go back to court, but it is a violation nonetheless.
Disposal of jointly owned property
Similar to the scenario above, there are times in a divorce when both parties must be present to handle the financial affairs of the divorce. Assume a couple is selling the family home and both spouses wish to be presents during the appraisal or a showing, restraining orders make this nearly impossible and expose the not-so-pleasant details of the divorce to outside parties.
Mediation classes for custody and visitation
In many counties, mediation is required before the granting of custody orders. However, if there is a restraining order in place, two parties typically cannot attend the same mediation.
Custody in general
Often a “restrained party” will have limited visitation with children during the restraining order period. The rationale is that if you are violent with “mother/father” you will be violent with “children.” In fact, spiteful parents have even filed Temporary Restraining Orders in order to maintain a custodial advantage. On the flip side, a parent who falsely accuses the other of domestic violence or sexual abuse can lose custody of the children.
The bottom line is that parties need to think things through before filing an application for a restraining order. For those who have applied for a restraining order merely as a means of maintaining an advantage over or punishing the ex-spouse, the ramifications of such an order will apply to the protected party as well. Not only does it make the life of the “restrained” party more difficult, but the “protected party” has limitations, too, which in the end may not justify the means.
How To Behave In Court When You Have A Restraining Order
July 4th, 2010
Much emphasis has always been placed on being original and staying true to yourself, however many people learn the hard way that sometimes we are forced to adapt to societal standards. I personally learned this during my own long and arduous divorce case. Some of what I learned was by trial and error, and by observation of other cases in the same court.
I am sure more than a few of you are shaking your heads right now and laughing. After all, who doesn’t know how to act in court? Who hasn’t seen at least one episode of Law and Order? Unfortunately, real life doesn’t always play out like a script. Here are a few key points that anyone going through a divorce can utilize.
How should you dress for Court?
A court appearance can be one of the most intimidating experiences a person faces. Enter any Courthouse in America and you will see people in various forms of dress, however, it is important to dress to impress. As a child, most of us dreaded hearing the phrase wear your Sunday best. Court is one of those instances where your Sunday best is an absolute must! A business suit is preferable, however at the very least khakis, a dress shirt, tie and a sports jacket for men, and a skirt and dressy blouse for women. If possible, keep body art and piercings covered. Hats should not be worn in the courtroom either.
How should you behave in Court?
Always follow the specific rules for the Court you are in. You can learn more about this by observing other cases in your Court. Some general rules that everyone should follow are to stand when addressing the Court. Always address the Judge as Your Honor. Never interrupt the Judge. Always speak clearly, concisely, and be direct in answering questions. Eating and drinking are not allowed in the Courtroom, and gum chewing is a big no-no.
How can I prepare for Court?
As previously mentioned, observing other cases gives you a slight edge as to the workings of your particular Court, and even the Judge presiding over your case. It is also important when you have your pretrial meetings with the probation or family court department that you choose your words carefully. While it is easy to get emotional and to speak from the heart, you must also realize that you are speaking with a civil servant. This person reports directly to the Court. In addition, the walls have ears, and sometimes without trying, we can sabotage our own efforts by what we say or do.
With a little forethought and preparation, you can find yourself ahead of the game and in a great position as you begin one of the most trying experiences of your life.
Restraining Orders & Parenting
May 10th, 2010
The bedrock of any society is the family with a husband and wife joined together. The family is there to, love, provide and nurture their children. In a typical family, the mother supplies the time and energy in the care of the children. Children learn valuable lessons from their mother watching her take care of them; while the father is there to provide support, guidance and discipline.
As my priest has aptly told me on numerous occasions, “A mother can bring you into this life but only a father can tell you who you are.” The priest’s point is that only the father can provide the direction and guidance that a child needs. There is nothing as powerful as words of encouragement from a father to help define a child’s life. Children tend to look at life through two distinct lenses: the mother who is there to take care of them while the father is out in the real world doing “real things.” It is the fathers’ world that children find fascinating and ominous. That is why the presence and encouragement of fathers is so powerful.
But when separation or divorce takes place between the parents, it is the children that suffer. When the father is not present, the mother’s authority and discipline can be compromised. Children tend to comply more readily with the fathers demands than the mothers. On the other hand, women tend to show men how to care for small children. Single fathers, without the help of mothers, may be clumsy or inept in dealing with small children and may return the children to their mother with diaper rashes, cuts, and colds. And because of this, men might be placed under the suspicious eyes of the law for neglecting his children.
Fathering outside of the marriage brings entirely new issues with the former wife’s many times feeling uneasy about their former spouse washing and bathing their children. The fathers now have to be careful on how affectionate they can become with their children lest someone takes a harsh view of the man’s relationship with such small children. It is of little wonder that an affectionate father outside of marriage can become legally perilous.
But restraining orders take on a much more vicious nature when they happen to a father, as the father has to abide by the letter of the law lest he end up in jail. Restraining orders rip the father out of the life of the child and in some ways in a permanent and irreparable way. It is hard enough to be a parent, harder enough to be a single parent but even more so as a father with a restraining order around his neck.
False Allegations And The Cost To Society
May 3rd, 2010
The Violence Against Woman’s Act (V.A.W.A) grew from the complaint many women had
about not having sufficient protection from physical violence. They wanted to take their children
out of an abusive situation and be given services to start a new life. For those actually needing
the service, V.A.W.A is a Godsend.
However the majority of cases that come under the umbrella of V.A.W.A equate to false
allegations. These cases damage relationships between children and parents. They are also
costing this country about 20 billion dollars every year. This is an outrageous expense
considering the allegations are not necessarily true.
Consider this, statistics indicate that each year the nation spends $4 billion for domestic violence
programs. In addition, about 175,000 children are involved in a divorce with a false allegation of
domestic violence annually. Lastly, these claims contribute to $20 billion in public costs and
taxpayer burden associated with single-parent families. In other words, false allegations are
costing the country an abundance of money while tearing families apart.
Where does this nightmare stop? It is up to the voters to contact their congressmen to bring
attention to this horrible creation that is tearing the very fabric of society in our nation. Under
V.A.W.A, men are the enemy and must be put away and torn from their children. This is an
unconstitutional way to view every situation that comes up between a man and woman.
The system allows baseless accusations to run amuck with no system of checks and balances. In
some court situations, a woman does not even have to give testimony under oath, so there is not
even the danger of perjury. The scales are tipped way in the favor of woman, much to the
determent of men. This is not to say that women do not deserve a way to protect themselves. But
it is vital to consider each situation thoroughly before a judge can make a decision that will
change the lives of the entire family.
The Scam Behind Child Custody Laws
May 3rd, 2010
In this article I’d like to talk a little bit about the subject of the negative effects of child custody laws. Divorce is extremely simple if there are no children involved. Basically, there’s just an equitable distribution of assets and the two individuals part ways. However, when children are involved and it can result in years of litigation and hundreds of thousands of dollars lost during the process.
The divorce industry stands to make a lot of money when there is a disputed child custody issue. My child custody dispute was far and away the most difficult situation I’ve ever faced. I’m a combat veteran, I’ve been shot at, and I’ve lost both my parents; but the most painful personal situation I’ve ever experienced was when my custody rights were violated and I had my children taken away from me.
There have been a great many studies that have proven that joint custody and shared parenting are far and away the best situation for any child in a divorced household. The child will be happiest when his or her parents live close enough to one another that they can spend equal amounts of time with both parents.
The reason it doesn’t happen this way most of the time is the divorce industry itself makes a huge amount of money both litigating and administrating split child custody arrangements. They do this by setting up a custodial and non-custodial parent; if the child spent equal time at both homes there would be no need for child support. By giving one parent custody, it automatically sets up a situation where the custodial parent must receive some form of compensation from the non-custodial parent.
The way the divorce industry makes money on this is an old banking trick. They collect money from one party and hold it a few days or a week later, and they make money on the float or the interest that collects during the time it is in their account. That amount may not seem like a lot initially, but when all the child support payments each year are added together, it suddenly becomes a large amount.
Personally, I spent my last dime paying my attorney in an attempt to get custody of my children. When in reality it was a foregone conclusion that my wife would get custody. The Friendly Parent doctrine is an idea that is gaining more favorable attention in the U.S. It says the parent most likely to include the other parent in the parenting process should get custody. However this doesn’t apply in my state. So all my ex-wife had to do to get sole custody is simply not include me.
Child custody disputes are the biggest motivating factor in my work. Like many fathers, I want to be part of my children’s lives and this is the reason behind my writing, my blogs, and my Web sites.
The Divorce Industry and the SLAPP Tool
April 29th, 2010
I recently found an interesting new video on YouTube. The video is by a gentleman who owns the website DaddyJustice. His video can be found at Perjury Trial of Wendy Flanders : The Tipping Point and I wanted to let everyone know about him because despite his lengthy and expensive legal battle, he has managed to get something that is almost impossible to achieve in the divorce field. That is, he managed to win a perjury conviction over the mother of his child; a woman who had lied about his actions from the very beginning. Again, his Web site is DaddyJustice, and he has a great series of videos on the site which details his difficult but extraordinary journey.
Why it is difficult to obtain a perjury conviction in a false restraining order or in the case of false accusations made against you by your partner? The reason is a legal provision called SLAPP (Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation. The Wikipedia definition of SLAPP is: a lawsuit or a threat of lawsuit that is intended to intimidate and silence critics by burdening them with the cost of a legal defense until they abandon their criticism or opposition. Winning the lawsuit is not necessarily the intent of the person filing the SLAPP. The plaintiff’s goals are accomplished if the defendant succumbs to fear, intimidation, mounting legal costs or simple exhaustion and abandons the criticism.
A SLAPP may also intimidate others from participating in the debate.The California legislature originally created SLAPP to solve a problem arising between environmentalists and logging companies. The environmentalists wanted to file suit against the logging companies, but the logging companies with their unlimited funding and resources would simply file lawsuit upon lawsuit on the environmentalists to try to wear them down. So the legislature put in place this SLAPP provision so that the logging companies could not use lawsuits to try to silence their opposition.
That very same process is now being twisted and used by the divorce industry to prevent a defendant in a divorce case from filing a perjury charge against their ex, as long as the ex-spouse believes they have good reason for their claims. So what it boils down to is that in a divorce, one person can claim whatever they want against the other person as long as they say they have a reason to believe it is true. Never mind that my due process rights are violated, and that I’m not allowed to countersue for perjury. The
real kicker comes when you have actually violated SLAPP rights. Then you get to pay for your accuser’s attorney.
Basically, the problem with SLAPP is that it was originally conceived for a valuable and noble purpose, and now it has been perverted in order to suppress the rights of individuals during divorce proceedings.This is just one of the reasons why restraining orders are so tough to beat; and more evidence about how insidious the Divorce Industry is. They are willfully allowing liars to file false charges in order to separate children from their own fathers.
What the heck does bifurcation mean?
April 29th, 2010
I have found myself asking questions like that many times over during the past few years.
Let’s be honest, most of us have not taken years of Latin. No matter how well read we may think we are unless Black’s law dictionary is on our list of favorites, words like “bifurcation” don’t easily roll off the tongue. To most lay people legal terms are akin to a foreign language.
Bifurcation is defined as the act of “separating into two parts or branches.” In a divorce case this equates to separating a single case into separate and distinct actions. In most cases this relates specifically to child support, child custody, and child visitation issues.
In my own case, my divorce was bifurcated, first by state and then by court. Trust me, I was just as confused as you are. In essence, my case started in New Jersey, and then once my ex established residence in Massachusetts the case was moved there. So at one point my divorce was being heard in three different courts in two states.
This was not beneficial in any way to either my ex or myself, and in fact only seemed to assist in draining money from our pockets. By bifurcating most cases, the litigants spend more time in court, less time with their families, more money is spent on lawyers and court fees, and in the end there are just more decisions and rules that have to be followed.
The best way to avoid this is to work out the issues with your ex, and try to have a better coparenting relationship. If that is not possible, the parties can meet with a mediator. In bifurcation, courts are self-serving. Ask yourself this, wouldn’t you rather take the time and money you could be wasting on court appearances and fees and instead use it for some quality time with your children?
I know I would.
7 Reasons Fathers Going Through Divorce Should Expect to Get Served With a Restraining Order – Part 2
April 27th, 2010
In the first part of this two part series, we discussed three common reasons a father can expect to be served with a restraining order during a divorce. This article concludes the article.
4. The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) provides Federal funding for the States to set up “professional victims” groups, whose sole purpose is to discriminate against men and perpetuate the stereotype that men are abusers. That’s even if we are good, innocent dads in a bad marriage. This act financially incentivizes the “Divorce Industry” to take unnecessary actions against innocent fathers.
5. Your ex will simply watch you suffer because she’s angry. I went through nearly 2 years of restraining order hell because my ex was simply angry with me. Because of this, I was continually subjected to criminal prosecution. My ex actually went so far as to tell all of my children that I did not want to see them even though I was prevented from doing so by the restraining order. It took me four (4) court hearings just to re-establish visitation with them while all that time my ex was telling them that I just did not want to see them. To this day, despite everything I have done to get them back in my life, I am sure they still believe her lies to a certain extent.
6. Your ex will want to control and manipulate you. Many ex-wives want you to beg for their mercy. As a caring father you don’t want to be kept out of your children’s lives. You don’t want to miss their basketball games, softball games, martial arts competitions and dance recitals. You don’t want to miss their birthday parties and their graduations. You don’t want to miss watching your children grow up. If you don’t have the proper knowledge, women can hang your children that you dearly love, your financial independence and your freedom over your head to get whatever they want from you.
7. Your ex will want to stop you from modifying custody after your child expresses a desire to live with you. To make sure my children felt unloved by me my wife didn’t let me buy them any gifts. She never answered my phone calls. I was threatened not to show up when my son was very sick and in the hospital even though he asked for me to be there at his side. And, she told them lies about me. My oldest son didn’t speak to me for 11 months because of her lies.
These are just seven out of thousands of motives that women have to get a restraining order against innocent fathers. Now I wrote this article for one reason – and only reason only. I want to prepare to you for the inevitable. I didn’t think it would happen to me – yet it did and because I was unprepared, I went through 20 months of restraining order hell.
7 Reasons Fathers Going Through Divorce Should Expect to Get Served With a Restraining Order – Part 1
April 27th, 2010
A restraining order is issued in America every 32 seconds. If you’re a father going through divorce, believe it or not, a restraining order or a false protection order against you is most likely in your future. When hit with a restraining order, a person can potentially lose could lose your freedom, access to your children and your money without even knowing that it was happening.
How do I know this?
It happened to my father. My parents got divorced when I was two-years-old. Out of revenge my mom intentionally kept my dad out of my life. I never knew my own father. He missed me growing up. I am sure this sad fact influences my actions to this day.
And, most recently it happened to me!
When my ex-wife served me with a fraudulent protection order, it was as if I was attacked while blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back. I didn’t see it coming and when I was hit with a divorce and a restraining order that prevented me from seeing my children. I felt helpless.
So, why would my Ex do such a despicable thing to me and our children you might ask? This two part series explains seven reasons why a father might have a restraining order filed against him during a divorce.
1. Your ex will want to end the relationship and come out as much of a “winner” as the law will allow (and believe me, it will allow a lot!) I’m sorry to say it but our legal system is often manipulated in favor of women. If the husband was an actual abuser in any way, then yes, a restraining order should be served. If he actually committed a crime then he should be criminally charged and the kids taken away from him immediately. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case and many innocent fathers are faced with fraudulent protection orders or restraining orders and dragged needlessly through the court system.
2. Your ex and her lawyer will want gain an advantage in a divorce. Many immoral divorce lawyers routinely advise women to get a restraining order so they can win custody, higher alimony and much more. That is exactly what my ex’s lawyer did to me.
3. Your ex will want to quickly get custody of your children without a hearing. Yes, this is possible! Moreover, your ex-wife can actually have a secret hearing that you are NOT even allowed to attend.
